


this much (we can handle)

by gotchick



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Badly Written Smut, Blow Jobs, Bottom Na Jaemin, Cuddling & Snuggling, FWB, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, Spooning, Top Lee Jeno, sap, soft hours, various kinks I won't tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22416709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/pseuds/gotchick
Summary: five times jaemin sleeps with jeno, and one time jeno sleeps with jaemin.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 99
Kudos: 820





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i liked the nomin dynamic i wrote in "aint me without you" more than i expected, so much that i wanted to write a second chapter, but it wasn't working so i decided to write a separate fic altogether. please excuse me for my shoddy and cringey smut, it got awkward at times to write lol anyway this will probably be MFAL smut for this pairing :p
> 
> (also, i checked and i used the phrase "the other boy" 14 times in here which is way too many but i cbf to edit them now lol will come back later, maybe)

**one.**

the first time they fuck, jeno comes really fast. it’s quick and dirty, literally, because they’re both drunk out of their minds and that’s the only reason jeno is in jaemin’s bed, tearing off each other’s clothes clumsily and fumbling to get their underwear off so jeno can hitch jaemin’s legs over his shoulders and sink into him in one swift thrust, the lube they spilled all over the sheets while liberally squeezing it out making filthy squelching sounds.

jaemin doesn’t last long either, which surprises him, dimly in the back of his alcohol-addled mind. it’s his first time with a guy and, he assumes, jeno’s first time too, so he didn’t expect to be able to get off without an issue, almost easily even.

in the dark, jaemin registers with vague wonder how it turns out there’s less difference than he expected between male and female, when it comes to a warm body in the pitch black night. jeno’s breathing is evening out beside him — or more like on top of him, since his heavy body is half-draped over jaemin, making it nearly impossible for jaemin to move. it’s a comfortable kind of weight, though, not stifling, his friend’s familiar scent kind of almost pleasant to whiff in as they drift off into sleep together, too tired to even wipe off the come drying on their chests and stomachs.

when he wakes up in the morning his heart lurches so violently in his chest, it’s a wonder it doesn’t wake jeno up. the other boy is still in almost the same position, latched possessively to jaemin’s frame, his breath warm and steady on jaemin’s collarbone. in the morning light jaemin unconsciously pauses at the length and darkness of jeno’s eyelashes splayed across his cheekbones, his washboard abs and broad athlete’s shoulders. he’s, without a doubt, the most masculine of jaemin’s friends, so it’d be an understatement to say it was a surprise to find out that jeno is into guys — or at least, bisexual.

jeno shifts in his sleep, and jaemin’s breath hitches in his throat, the sensation as if his world has frozen on its axis for a heartbeat. he doesn’t dare to move a muscle, suddenly terrified — of what, he isn’t sure. that he’ll see unmistakable regret and shock in jeno’s transparent eyes when he remembers what happened last night? that this will be the fuck-up that ends their years-long friendship?

he doesn’t know what he’s bracing himself for, but when jeno’s eyes flutter open, the softness in them catches jaemin completely off guard. jeno has always gazed at him in this way, indulgently, with affection and amusement and warmth; but this is something different altogether — an exposed kind of tenderness that makes jaemin tear his eyes away, unable to maintain eye contact further.

he suddenly feels his physical body acutely — the mess of their come on his torso, shameful and sordid, his ass which is aching in an ineffable way; which is ridiculous because jeno can’t possibly know that.

but jeno just smiles, eyes hazy, the only sign of discomfort the colour dusting his chiseled cheekbones and the flutter in his heartbeat jaemin feels against his back as jeno winds a coy arm around his chest, backhugging him as if he’s too shy to face jaemin directly too.

they just stay like that for a while, awkward but too exhausted to move, bodies pleasantly burning in every muscle.

spooning — jaemin’s never been the little spoon before, but it’s a different kind of nice, jeno’s chin hitched over his shoulder and his teeth playfully catching jaemin’s earlobe before letting go.

they’ve been living in the same fraternity house for more than a year now, and been friends for longer, but it’s a brand new revelation to jaemin that crossing the line from platonic friends into one night stand territory is frighteningly easy; that sleeping with jeno feels almost like just an extension of friendship, a natural progression.

jaemin’s door is locked, and for hours after that, they ignore any knocks they hear, tucked away within the four quiet walls listening to each other’s heartbeat. jeno occasionally caresses jaemin’s cheek or cards his fingers through his hair absently to show he isn’t asleep; but when he tries to shift his weight off jaemin, concerned he’s cutting off circulation, jaemin tangles their knees together and clings on to jeno’s arms around his chest.

jeno breathes a laugh by his ear, and finally relaxes; and jaemin feels more warmth than he’s felt in years swell in his chest, taking him by surprise. they’ve slept together in either of their beds any number of times, but this is a world removed — so intimate it feels impossible for two people to get any closer.

it should feel desperately uncomfortable, but it doesn’t.

they stay entwined, cuddling for another thirty minutes, jeno’s sheer bulk against jaemin feeling like he’s in chenle’s bed hugging the giant life-sized teddy bear in his room to sleep; or the all-encompassing weight of a siberian husky curled up on top of his body.

**two.**

the next time they fuck — jaemin hadn’t been even expecting a second — jeno looks him dead in the eye and murmurs, “are you drunk again?"

it takes jaemin a full second to comprehend what he’s asking.

and before he knows what he’s doing, he’s nodding _yes_ , yes he’s crazy drunk, and jeno is sloppily grabbing a fistful of his shirt and tugging him forward to crash into his own lips.

the way his friend’s tongue thrusts into his mouth is bold and slightly tentative at the same time, as if he’s scared but trying to fake bravado. jaemin lets jeno move his tongue around clumsily for a few seconds, his fingers tightening in jaemin’s shirt; then takes over, tangling his hands in jeno’s hair and tilting his head so jaemin can come up for air before licking back into jeno’s mouth, making the other boy falter at his aggressiveness.

jaemin grins into the kiss and slides his hands further down, mapping jeno’s toned back through his thin tee, then grabbing his ass and rolling his own hips deliberately against the other boy’s groin at the same time.

jeno’s response is even better than he hoped, a sharp intake of breath before he tackles jaemin forward, aiming for the bed but failing and landing on the floor.

"ow,” jaemin is laughing, his breath stuttering from sheer erotic excitement, and jeno looks so worshipful and debauched at the same time braced over him, eyes gleaming from behind hopelessly mussed bangs jaemin’s heart stops for a moment — almost as if jeno is a girl he likes.

it kick-starts again as jeno grins rakishly, running a hand through his hair, and whispers, “i have condoms this time.” the words seem to make him blush.

of course — jeno is probably fucking other people, too. he can’t have stayed celibate this whole time between the last time they messily screwed, and now.

jaemin smiles back, awkwardly, clearing his throat. “great."

"i mean… we don’t have to if you don’t want to.” jeno frowns, looking embarrassed now, and jaemin hesitates before running a hand down from jeno’s chest to his jeans button, then lifting his own shirt to flash a broad sliver of skin.

"hell, yeah i want to.” he winks smarmily, barely done before jeno has sunk to his knees and is rummaging through his bedside drawer.

jaemin looks away as jeno straightens triumphantly with the condom packet and tube of lube they used last time, not wanting to see a half-open or even nearly finishing box of condoms and having the awkward thought in mind of who jeno has been going through them with. at least they’re using protection this time, he thinks, on the bright side. he’d worried for a while after the first hasty, impulsive shack — not that he thinks it’s possible jeno has anything transmittable, but it was his first time after all, and it’d probably be better to play it safe.

jeno rips open the packet with his teeth and fumbles a little, making jaemin smile against his will, melting.

"don’t put everything in your mouth,” he nags, a familiar refrain; and, “let me help you put it on."

the other boy seems surprised at his words, pleasantly so. since that first night, jeno has been his usual clingy, inseparable self towards jaemin, maybe even more so. he didn’t say or show anything to allude to what they’d done, so jaemin didn’t either.

now, jeno unconsciously touches his parted lips as he looks down at jaemin bending to eye level with his jeans, eyes dark and eager. he drags a finger over his plush mouth, watching jaemin hungrily. this gives jaemin an idea.

"what are you doing?” the other boy murmurs as he deftly unbuttons jeno’s jeans button, then less adroitly tugs the zipper down with his teeth.

"shh,” jaemin mouths against his clothed cock, which jumps. jaemin slides his fingers over jeno’s hipbones, caressing them and pushing the denim down, and jeno grabs on to the back of his head, his hips bucking forward a little.

they end up not using the condom, jeno coming hard and fast again after jaemin swirls his tongue without skill a few times over his cock, teasing it over the head and nearly choking on the unexpected gush of hot fluid as jeno thrusts into the back of his throat without warning.

"oh, god.” above him, his friend’s voice is hoarse. “i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to — are you okay?"

jaemin coughs and smiles up, eyes watering, discreetly swallowing. jeno watches his throat move, and his attempt not to make a face after, and unexpectedly hunkers down in front of him after fastening his pants, drawing jaemin into a sudden hug.

engulfed by jeno’s entire frame, jaemin takes a deep breath of his unmistakable scent, the heat emanating from his body, the slight musk of fading arousal. there’s that unbearable intimacy again, making him feel alive in every nerve of his body.

he nuzzles into jeno’s flannel shirt, and the other boy’s breath is hot on his ear.

"what about you?” before jaemin can react, jeno has slid one hand smoothly to cover his crotch, squeezing deliberately on the palpable tent in jaemin’s pants.

jaemin makes a choked sound, nearly coming there and then. it feels shameful, like he’s admitting to something taboo, being turned on to this extent just by giving a blowjob. to another guy.

he clears his throat, detaching himself from jeno’s strong, reluctant arms. the other boy is looking at him with that dazed, worshipful look again, even as his eyes glitter with teasing amusement, as if jaemin is something — someone sacred. the only sign of embarrassment he’s showing at what they just did is pink-tipped ears.

"i’ll take care of it myself.” jaemin gets to his feet shakily, wiping his mouth and avoiding eye contact again.

jeno catches his elbow before he can move to the bathroom, his fingers gentle but unrelenting.

"i want to help you.” there’s a slight pout in his voice. “can i? or… you can’t come — for me?” he asks with difficulty, suddenly looking stricken.

"no, that’s not it,” jaemin quickly says, wounded by the hurt in jeno’s fawnlike eyes. “okay, fine, you take care of me, then."

like a magic spell, his words make the other boy’s entire face light up. entranced, jaemin allows himself to be led to jeno’s bed, where jeno gently pushes him backwards, then climbs over his knees, straddling his thighs.

jaemin sucks in a breath, preparing for the soreness that took days to abate the first time again — that delicious, addictive mix of pain and pleasure. but jeno pulls the whole floor from under his feet by taking the time to clumsily unzip jaemin, freeing his long-suffering cock, then raising his eyes to meet jaemin’s own almost with carnal intent.

in shock, jaemin lifts his fist to his mouth, biting down on his knuckles to stifle the moan building up in his throat as jeno wraps his whole hand around jaemin’s cock and tugs him in sloppy but careful strokes to completion.

jeno’s hand is callused — jaemin knows, but he’s never felt its texture in this way, on the million nerve endings in his sensitive cock, all the blood in his body rushing south. he almost sobs, thighs clenching up under jeno as his orgasm builds.

"i’m close —“ he barely manages to warn, before jeno runs a thumb over the throbbing head of his cock, right over the slit, and he’s bucking up, thrusting into thin air. jeno doesn’t let go of his cock until the last spurts of come drain him. both their clothes are ruined again by now, and jaemin hates — can’t believe the fact that jeno was watching him lose every shred of his control, come apart under him, this whole time.

"shit,” jaemin rasps, sitting up, definitely not meeting jeno’s intense, lusty gaze that’s trying to pin him. “i made a mess,” he groans.

"it’s okay.” there’s a chuckle in jeno’s voice, and jaemin feels silly, foolish, unsure if the other is laughing at him. but jeno backs off, shifts his comfortable, grounding weight off jaemin’s body, and ever so gently pushes jaemin back into a lying position.

"wait here. i’ll get towels to clean up.” jaemin isn’t sure if he’s hearing things or there’s a smug edge to jeno’s voice, like he can’t hide his triumph that he could undo jaemin like that, literally single-handedly.

jaemin curls into a fetal position in jeno’s bed while waiting, having an internal meltdown. his knuckles have raw bite marks on them, and his heart is spinning like a fucking hurricane.

later, after jeno has wiped him off with such care jaemin’s heart nearly stops beating for a moment, he snuggles up behind jaemin’s back and drapes an arm over him again. jaemin is wearing one of jeno’s oversized sweaters he brought him, and one of his boxers. jeno stared at the way jaemin was swimming in his clothes a few moments too long, before jaemin cleared his throat and curled up with his back towards jeno under the covers. he felt the bed dip with the other boy’s weight as he climbed in behind and slung a heavy arm over him, his bolster abandoned for a human one.

again, jeno falls asleep first. jaemin hears his breaths slowing, his hand still tightly curled on jaemin’s chest, against his heartbeat. unable to control himself, he wiggles to turn around in the tight space, now free to stare to his heart’s content at jeno, deeply in slumber.

his friend’s lips are slightly parted, and jaemin wants to kiss the tempting cupid’s bow, but he resists and settles for pecking the mole under jeno’s eye. he gasps when the other boy’s eyes flutter open abruptly.

"you were pretending to sleep?” he hisses, affronted, and giggles bubble up in jeno’s throat. he bites his lips to repress the smile tugging at them, his eyes filled with adoration and wonder. jaemin is blushing into oblivion.

"i hate you.” jaemin hits his shoulder, and tries to get up. “going back to my own room to sleep."

but effortlessly, swiftly, jeno catches him around the waist and pulls him back under the covers, his biceps flexing around jaemin’s shoulders in a lockhold. he slips one leg between jaemin’s thighs, a gesture that’s too teasing to be innocent.

"not letting you,” jeno murmurs in his ear, his voice so deep jaemin feels like he’s falling.

he struggles a bit more, for show mostly. grumbling incessantly, he finally settles back into jeno’s embrace, giving up.

"you’re such a dork,” he snaps, with zero bite, and jeno breathes another mischievous laugh, unrepentantly.

"stupid dork,” jaemin says again, this time more to himself — reminding himself that jeno’s literally the most embarrassing, awkward dork among their group of friends, not some dreamboat with roguish charm sweeping people off their feet.

and jaemin doesn’t feel swept off his feet. at all.

"you love me anyways,” jeno reminds him, though, and jaemin swallows hard.

yes, jeno’s his best friend because jaemin loves that dorkiness, is endeared by it — but in a platonic way.

only.

**three.**

it’s one of the rare occasions all the members of the fraternity are free at the same time, and so renjun suggested a group outing to the pc bang and dinner. chenle promptly offered to pay for everything, which meant everybody’s agreement was secured. jeno’s dressed up for their friends, a little more than usual. jaemin’s not used to seeing him outside of his baggy sweatshirts and baseball shorts, and he stares a little longer than usual. jeno catches him in the act.

"what are you looking at?” he bumps jaemin’s shoulder with his own, bro-like, smiling like butter couldn’t melt in his mouth. beside them, renjun and haechan don’t stop chatting, not seeming to find anything amiss about their interactions.

"nothing,” jaemin retorts, good-naturedly, but continues shamelessly staring throughout the entire meal. they’re sitting opposite each other in the restaurant and jaemin can tell he’s being super obvious from the way jeno almost chokes on his water a few times when he looks up to see jaemin’s eyes _still_ beady on him.

"hyung, does jeno hyung owe you money or something? you’ve been glaring at him like, all day,” jisung jokes on their walk back to the frat house, and adds that chenle will help pay any debts. chenle denies this and claims that he only pays jisung’s.

"there’s no debt.” jeno looks fondly exasperated by their antics, loosening the top button of his black long-sleeved silk shirt and tugging at his collar. jaemin swallows, tearing his eyes away from jeno’s forearms rippling under the rolled-up sleeves.

"or is there?” he nearly trips over air when the other boy continues, his eyes already on jaemin when jaemin peeks up at him. jeno smiles right at him, from ear to ear, a cheshire-like smile that can only be described as _devilish_.

"what is it? did i do something wrong?” he whispers later, after sneaking into jaemin’s room and under his covers. jeno takes up almost the whole of jaemin’s bed — not just the bulk of his body, but the way he throws himself out, spread-eagled and proprietary. jaemin shivers, in trepidation.

"nothing, i just — you changed your clothes.” jaemin can’t hide the disappointment in his voice.

"yeah,” jeno laughs, muffled by his face buried in jaemin’s pillow. “i showered, dummy. didn’t you?"

jeno’s now in his pajamas, still looking like a million bucks, in that way that’s so unfair. unlike jaemin, jeno hardly pays attention to his looks, and only has a cursory grooming routine — but he’s so gorgeous jaemin has lost count of the number of girls who have approached him to ask for his best friend’s number.

jeno never allowed him to give it out to a single one of them; and he’d been happy to oblige.

now, he’s gazing up at jaemin, brows creased slightly with concern at his odd behaviour; but also something knowing creeping into the sparkle of his eye.

"you like what you saw, jaemin-ah?"

jaemin nearly flips out. is it so obvious he’d found jeno’s midnight silk shirt over skinny jeans so attractive? with that blond hair falling into inscrutable eyes, the way he’s studying jaemin right now too — it’d been hard to breathe. he felt like he’d been in the presence of a god, a deity.

"you looked good.” jaemin’s throat is dry when he finally voices aloud what’s been on his mind all night. his honesty makes jeno’s expression freeze almost comically, and jaemin feels smugness overwhelm him that he’s managed to disarm the older boy.

"you looked really hot,” he adds, emboldened now, making jeno flush so furiously it’s visible in the moonlight falling through the window. “i want you to fuck me again,” he finishes, without a single remaining filter.

he glances up through his lashes coquettishly, at jeno whose mouth is now hanging open at how much he’s taking the initiative, and jaemin glows. rashly, he starts lifting his sleep shirt over his head, watching the other’s reaction as he strips.

"hang on.” jeno suddenly forces his eyes off jaemin’s torso, up to his face. he looks confused, adorably so, and vulnerable.

"but you’re not drunk today…?"

jaemin stops cold, his thumbs hooked into his shorts. jeno’s eyes give nothing away, but seem to be searching his own deeply for something.

"do we have to be?” is what jaemin ends up saying, lamely. “i mean, we’re fuck buddies now, right? we can fuck anytime we like."

"ah,” jeno replies delicately after a moment, blinking; and jaemin cringes at his crude language.

he’s about to backtrack, apologise and tell his friend to go back to his bed, when jeno speaks up first.

"yeah… i guess you’re right. that’s what we are, isn’t it?"

he grins, the innocence of it at odds with what he’s saying. jeno places a hand on the hem of jaemin’s shorts, and fiddles with it a little, thoughtfully.

"but… i don’t want to hurt you."

jaemin replies so quickly, jeno’s eyes widen. “it didn’t hurt at all the last time! really,” he swears stoutly, and jeno bites back a smile, like he’s adorable.

"i don’t believe you.” he glides his finger around the hem of jaemin’s pants, towards the centre of his pelvis, and jaemin whimpers needily. “i was too rough,” jeno whispers, meeting his eyes as he slips a hand into jaemin’s pants to fondle his hardening dick. “i’m sorry."

"don't be, it was good,” jaemin can barely grit out, snapping his hips forward involuntarily, against jeno’s hand. memories of the amazing hand job he’d received the last time make his cock throb eagerly. jeno reaches down and encircles his length, swiping his finger over the tip where precome is pearling, and jaemin gasps, “ah!"

"are you sure?” jeno presses again, gently, though his pupils are quickly dilating. jaemin sees his hand reach down from the corner of his vision to rub his own crotch, and he shakes a little with sheer desire.

"i can just get you off again,” jeno adds, keeping his voice level with an effort.

"no,” jaemin decides, making a hushed exhale slip from the other boy’s lips. “can i try riding you, though?"

jeno frowns at his lingo, apparently not having ventured into watching gay on top of straight porn now as jaemin has.

"you want to be on top?” he guesses, and jaemin nods, eyes supplicating.

"please, hyung,” he whines, and that does it — jeno is pliantly lying back flat on jaemin’s bed, and easing jaemin on top of him. he doesn’t even seem to find it heavy when jaemin grinds his entire weight down on his lap, just gasps softly with arousal.

"you look so pretty from down here,” jeno compliments him, slyly, and this time jaemin gasps. jeno’s reaching for his hips, but just to feel like he’s back in control, jaemin smacks his hands away teasingly.

"no touching.” he takes one hand and kisses the knuckles carelessly, making the other boy groan. “i’ll do all the work. you just lie there and relax."

"oh?” jeno raises an eyebrow, appearing intrigued, and also trying not to laugh at jaemin’s weak seduction tactics. jaemin quickly silences him by bearing down on the tented front of his pants poking rigidly into his ass.

by the time jaemin is done rolling on the condom, in abject embarrassment, jeno is so hard it hurts, dick engorged, a vein throbbing on his shaft. he seems to feel equally humiliated, hands covering his face since jaemin has forbidden him to touch. his thighs tremble between jaemin’s, flexing with the need to move.

"baby, please.” his voice is wrecked as jaemin takes hold of his cock and starts pushing himself down on it. “can i touch — now?"

jeno’s so sweet, asking permission, even now. jaemin can’t help it — he replies _yes_ , and in an instant jeno’s hands are pressing almost bruises into his hipbones and he’s sinking all the way into jaemin, though more controlled than last time. jaemin gasps for breath, bracing his hands on jeno’s chest and shifting a little. the bundle of nerve endings the head of jeno’s cock rubs against, deep inside him, makes jaemin see sparks.

he’s glad he’s not drunk — it feels even better this way.

even from below, his best friend fucks the way he lives — giving all of himself into it, brusqueness tempered with surprising tenderness, so earnestly. jaemin never thought he could feel more for jeno than the secondhand embarrassment he constantly goes through on his behalf, as his friend; but this intimacy is impossibly, even deeper, as if he’s seeing the deepest, most secret parts of the other boy, exposed.

he can’t tell whether the pleasure or the awkwardness is more intense.

when they’re both spent, completely wrung out, jeno rolls over jaemin in one smooth move, as if he’s been waiting impatiently just to get jaemin flattened under him again.

he’s teasing his tongue over jaemin’s clavicles, which should feel gross, like a dog slobbering over one, but doesn’t. jaemin whines again, offended and breathless.

"what?” jeno props himself up a little over him, his tongue leaving jaemin’s skin with a lewd sound. “i can’t leave a mark, can i?"

his eyes are so dark, jaemin could lose himself in them.

"you can do whatever you want,” he moans out brokenly, careful to keep his voice low though the door is locked. he’s barely finished the sentence when jeno has dipped his head down again, hair tickling jaemin’s chin, and latched his lips onto the knob of jaemin’s shoulder.

jeno sucks for what seems like forever, and when he lets go jaemin awkwardly shifts his legs and lets his breath hiss out through his teeth, hoping it’s not obvious he’s half-hard again. there’s another dirty popping sound as his friend detaches his mouth from jaemin’s skin, and jaemin doesn’t even have to see the mark he’s left to feel undeniably branded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone, please stay safe and healthy~ im not from china but i do live in asia, in one of the countries that has been infected with the coronavirus :'( we're all really scared, and writing this helped distract from my worries for a while, so i was thankful. i really really hope everyone who's reading this won't be affected by it, wherever you are in the world! also praying for the boys and their asia tour, it sucks that this had to happen at this important point of time for them but health should ALWAYS take priority and i hope they won't be made to perform at risky venues ;;
> 
> hopefully i'll be able to post the second chapter with better feelings and news in a few days :')


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got a bit longer than i expected, so i extended it to 3 chapters. chap 3 is def the last though! :) also, i know some people were worried since i said i'd update in a few days but didn't - don't worry, i'm fine. icb how many kudos this already has even before it's finished - i hope you enjoy the rest of it! xx

**four.**

"jaemin hyung would make a good wife,” jisung remarks, apropos of nothing at dinner, and jaemin hits him lightly on the arm. jisung giggles cheekily, stuffing another of jaemin’s home-cooked dishes into his bulging cheeks, and jaemin senses jeno’s eyes on him from his other side, narrowed.

"why’re you blushing?” jeno enquires obnoxiously, and jaemin glares at him, not dignifying the question with an answer.

later, after waiting until he reaches the end of his patience for jeno to come to his room, as they’d _arranged_ , jaemin huffily stomps to jeno’s shut room and raps on the door.

jeno doesn’t answer until haechan yells that he’s trying to sleep and renjun has classes tomorrow, damn it.

jaemin shoves jeno backwards a little, just slightly annoyed, when jeno finally opens his door, looking weary. he tries not to take it personally that jeno doesn’t look like he wants to sleep in the same bed as jaemin tonight.

then it clicks, even as jeno continues to reveal nothing with his impassive gaze, arms folded and eyes levelled at jaemin with brows raised. there’s that guarded gleam in jeno’s eyes again, but jaemin thinks he can discern it softening slightly at him taking the initiative this time. he can tell jeno wasn’t expecting him to barge in.

"i get it,” jaemin starts conversationally, settling into jeno’s bed and shamelessly wriggling into the covers to make his indent in the familiar, comfy mattress.

"what?” jeno asks, still standing by the door, but at least shutting it.

"you’re jealous,” jaemin murmurs, playing a finger across his twitching lips, watching jeno closely. they’re both speaking in low voices so as not to bother the others again, but his proclamation shocks jeno enough to repeat it in a shriller tone.

" _jealous?_ "

jaemin nods, laughing airily. he can tell he hit the nail on the head — the other boy has always been an open book, especially to him.

"jisung’s my baby,” he says in a coaxing tone. “you don’t have to be jealous of him."

there’s a pause, before jeno takes a few steps towards him, towering over him sitting on the bed, arms still folded. his eyes are almost warm though, as he looks down at jaemin, with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"so what if i’m jealous? what’re you gonna do?"

jeno leans down, and takes his chin with gentle fingers, brushing his lips across jaemin’s. jaemin gasps, caught by surprise, immediately chasing them, but jeno pulls away, deliberately.

he finally sits down on the bed beside jaemin, but at the other end. jeno sighs and slips between the sheets, turning his back on jaemin towards the wall.

"let’s just sleep tonight.” he switches off the night light.

"you want to be my baby?” jaemin pipes up, in the dark, boldly. he’s then glad for the cover of the night because the question makes him blush furiously. jeno’s never been like this before, playing hard-to-get, almost unfathomable. it’s driving jaemin crazy.

he succeeds in his attempt to goad the other boy — jeno turns around without warning and scoots closer, bringing their faces uncomfortably close. jaemin can make out his eyes in the dark from their glitter.

"no, i’m just jealous you haven’t cooked for me in a while."

jaemin can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or serious, his expression looking a mixture of both as he meets jaemin’s eyes, finally.

jaemin’s so screwed — just like that, he feels himself dissolving, finding jeno’s little tantrum unbearably adorable. he’s feeling so warm towards the elder, he relents and decides to accede to jeno’s request to just sleep together platonically for the night.

he’s curled up into himself, still facing jeno, hugging his friend’s bolster, when the other boy surprises him once again by picking the conversation back up.

"do you feel… i’m not adventurous enough?"

"adventurous?” jaemin’s totally thrown.

there’s another long silence. then jeno bursts out, seeming to be putting into words something that has been on his mind for some time.

"you think i'm an old man who only likes boring vanilla sex, don’t you?"

there’s an accusatory tone in jeno’s voice that almost nearly hides the insecurity below.

"what?” jaemin gapes for a whole minute, the question completely out of the left field for him.

"you’re only twenty, jeno-yah. how can you be an old man?” he points out sensibly once he’s gathered his senses. "i mean, you _are_ the most uncool person i know, but..."

" _what?_ " jeno squawks this time, and jaemin quickly backpedals.

jeno narrows his eyes at him again, and scrunches his nose — jaemin nearly coos inappropriately at the cuteness.

"i saw the kinky porn videos you’ve been watching."

jaemin gasps again, dramatically. “you went through my internet history?"

the older boy scoffs, with the decency to look ashamed. “you used my phone to watch them and now they’re all over my recommendations, you derp."

now it’s jaemin’s turn to flush hotly. he’d almost become too comfortable with their new closeness that he’d started borrowing not only jeno’s clothes (because the other boy always looks like he’s going to bust an artery when he sees jaemin wearing them) but also his phone and various miscellaneous accessories.

now, he protests righteously. “you’ve completely misunderstood me, jeno-yah!"

when the other raises an eyebrow, waiting, he adds, “i was just watching those for fun. it’s got nothing to do with you."

"oh, nothing to do with me, huh?"

there’s a long, charged silence. all the grumpiness in his friend’s face has long melted away, replaced by the hungry looks he’s been silently giving jaemin since they started this… thing.

wherever, whenever, jaemin would look up and catch jeno giving him these sidelong bedroom glances, almost eye-fucking him in front of all the other boys. it’s truly been a wonder nobody else noticed — or at least commented on it.

"the last time… what you said about our — relationship,” jeno murmurs, delicately. he’s catching jaemin off guard with every sentence — it’s the first time he’s shown any inclination of wanting to have a serious talk, at least about all this.

but of course, he’s game for it — anything, if it’s with jeno.

"yeah?” he snuggles a little closer, batting his eyelashes a bit flirtatiously, maybe, though it’s not the most appropriate moment. if jeno notices, he ignores jaemin’s advance.

"are we… exclusive?” he continues with difficulty, eyes locked on jaemin’s.

"exclusive?” jaemin blinks. “what do you mean?"

jeno looks frustrated and embarrassed, but elaborates with unexpected bluntness, “you’re not fucking anybody else, are you?"

so that’s what he meant. “of course not! you’re my exclusive fuck buddy, don’t worry,” jaemin answers almost cheerily, patting his shoulder. _and i hope i'm yours too_ , he doesn't say.

confusingly, jeno still doesn’t look satisfied — like that wasn’t the answer he was looking for, though jaemin had replied his question directly.

jeno sighs again, and says after a few beats, “great.” though he doesn’t sound so.

but when jaemin tries to probe more, find out what’s bothering him, jeno clams up and closes his eyes for a bit, saying nothing’s the matter.

they lapse into a comfortable silence, but still taut with lingering tension between them, like static electricity. jaemin’s eyes are fluttering closed when jeno closes the remaining distance between them, making his eyes snap open and widen.

jeno lifts his arm off the bolster and squeezes under it, draping jaemin’s arm around his shoulder. jaemin stiffens for a while before relaxing and giggling a bit with overwhelming pleasure, wrapping his arm around jeno’s upper body more tightly. the elder’s arm snakes smoothly around his waist, fitting there perfectly.

jeno’s hand is splayed over the small of his back and he’s running a finger down jaemin’s spine, as if playing the frets of his guitar. jaemin stifles his sharp intake of breath, body quivering suddenly.

"stop,” he hisses, halfheartedly. “i thought you didn’t want to do anything today."

"i changed my mind,” is all the other responds, belligerently. it’s kind of hot, and jaemin swallows down the urge to promptly roll over and attack the tempting body.

"well, i’m not in the mood now, so,” he retorts, all bravado, and jeno laughs quietly, full of amusement.

"are you sure?” before jaemin can shut his legs, a knee is slid against his crotch and jeno kneads his dick, purposefully.

jaemin moans a little, low, heat pooling in his stomach, pressing his thighs together but ending up holding jeno’s leg between rather than pushing it away.

"seems your body is more honest,” jeno chastens, and jaemin feels himself growing exponentially harder at how ridiculously arousing he’s finding all of this.

"well, since you’re not interested…” jeno makes a show of yawning and withdrawing his arm from around jaemin’s body, stealing the bolster and shutting his eyes pointedly.

jaemin’s almost in tears from all the teasing.

"meanie,” he pushes jeno’s shoulder, voice cracking. jeno opens one eye to take a good look at what a mess he’s made of jaemin.

"you want it?” he finally relents and asks, voice deepening, eyes trained on jaemin’s face.

jaemin nods, eagerly. “yes, please."

jeno stares at him for another while, seeming to be trying to read his sincerity, and jaemin tries his best to look as enthusiastic and sexy as possible. which isn’t as easy as it sounds.

mercifully, jeno eventually concludes, “fine,” and jaemin’s whole body thrills to the single word. but —

"i want to watch you jerk off,” jeno says, low, and jaemin does a double take.

"what did you say?"

"i want to watch you jerk off. alone,” jeno repeats, patiently. “who do you think of when you please yourself?"

he’s sure asking the hard questions, tonight. jaemin cringes. there’s no chance on earth he’s going to tell the truth and say _you_.

"uh…” he hedges instead, “i don’t really think of anything in particular. what about you?” he cleverly deflects, though now he’s genuinely curious about what jeno masturbates to.

"me neither,” the other says, though, disappointing him. he can tell jeno is lying but also knows he won’t get the truth, maybe until he admits his own first. so he reluctantly lets his burning curiosity go.

"why? i don’t wanna,” he whines now, in response to jeno’s perverse request.

there’s a pregnant pause again, then the elder breaks it in a hushed voice.

"please?"

it’s the hopeful sincerity in jeno’s entreaty that breaks jaemin. independent of himself, his head is nodding obediently, and his body shivers in half nervousness, half anticipation.

jeno grins, sphinxlike, accepting his agreement immediately. he rolls over and opens his nightstand drawer. jaemin watches him fish out a black accessory.

"w-what’s that?"

"wear this while you do it.” jeno tosses it and he catches the black leather loop.

"a choker?!” jaemin nearly raises his voice past a dangerous decibel. “where the hell did you get this?"

jeno groans but admits truthfully, “it was my ex’s. she left it here?"

"you kept her clothes?” jaemin accuses, feeling absurdly betrayed.

jeno looks abnormally defensive, too. “i didn’t keep her clothes! she just forgot this one thing."

"and why’d you keep it? huh?” jaemin grills him, staring daggers at his friend again. “you’re still pining after her, aren’t you?"

jeno sputters. “no way, i swear —"

"then why’d you want me to wear it?"

despite his frustration, jaemin finds himself putting on the choker, thinking illogically that he’ll suss jeno out — he’s confident he’ll be able to read if jeno kept the choker because he hasn’t forgotten his ex, while jerking off.

his easy acquiesce makes the other fall silent, the hunger in his eyes growing as he watches jaemin fumble with the foreign clasp.

"here, let me help you.” his friend sits up on his elbows and reaches over jaemin’s neck, their fringes brushing, and jaemin can’t help his jealousy flaring again at the thought that jeno must have done this for his ex countless times.

"you’re jealous too, nana?” jeno’s smirking when he backs off, the ghost of his gentle clasp still burning jaemin’s nape. jaemin’s face feels like it’s flaming.

"dream on,” he snaps, and jeno looks taken aback.

"take off your clothes, then,” the elder says after a beat.

speechless, jaemin strips obediently. jeno can’t keep his eyes above jaemin’s shoulders once his shirt is off, and almost playfully, jaemin shimmies out of his pants, kicking it off without ceremony. jeno’s hair is splayed like a halo on the pillow, covering his glazed over eyes, and jaemin wants to run his fingers through the glossy locks, but keeps his hands to himself.

finally completely naked in front of jeno, jaemin feels exposed, bare, without anywhere to hide. it’s so unfair — and yet it’s one of the hottest situations he’s ever been in, at the same time.

jeno doesn’t need to prove anything about being adventurous or whatever — but jaemin is down for it, if this is what he means by adventure.

he tries not to falter, licking his hand and gripping his already half-hard cock and pulling at it a few times. it’s a surreal experience, the object of his sexual fantasies being right before him, in the flesh this time. so dizzying it doesn’t take long for him to be fully turned on and leaking precome, his dick needing more than his hand.

"will you touch me?” he whispers, hoarsely, but jeno shakes his head, not looking up from his eyes focused on jaemin’s dick.

"uh-uh. finish yourself off,” jeno orders in that low, husky voice, and jaemin’s tugs quicken. he leans back, arches his back, chest heaving.

"slow down,” jeno says, voice tight, and jaemin forces himself to control his pace. he swallows hard because it really isn’t helping when he sees jeno reach for his own groin, under the covers, and start massaging it.

his hand is so slick with precome and spit he doesn’t even need lube, and the wet sounds fill the space between them as jaemin builds to an uncontrollable almost-frenzy, trying to find friction in his own palm. he brushes his thumb over the swollen head of his cock, and spasms ripple through his body at the sensitivity. jaemin grits his teeth so as not to let out a sound.

jeno doesn’t lean away, even when it’s clear jaemin is going to get come on him. jaemin tries his best not to dirty jeno again, but fails, though most of it ends up on his own bare torso and chin. he’s such a wreck, burning with humiliation and the afterglow, unable to believe he’s just come so quickly by his own hand and jeno’s scorching gaze alone.

his panting fills the room, embarrassingly loud as the aftershocks make his body tremble. jeno watches him all the while, silently, unblinkingly, his hand still tight on his clothed dick under the covers.

after he’s regained his composure, jaemin reaches for him, but jeno gets out of bed. even after he adjusts his loose shorts, it’s obvious he’s still hard.

"let me help you,” jaemin pouts tiredly, but jeno smiles and caresses his cheek.

"i’ll take care of it myself,” he says, voice so gentle it steals jaemin’s next words. “you did good, baby."

jaemin flumps back onto the covers, breathless, watching jeno slip out of the ajar door in the slice of moonlight. the rest of the frat house is quiet, his heartbeat loud in the still. his entire body is loosened by the languor that only comes after release.

jeno comes back in record time, his eyes attentive and keen as he cleans jaemin up and throws him new clothes. jaemin takes off the choker and discreetly drops it into the dustbin by jeno’s bed, though he did have more fun than he expected wearing it.

it’s just his petty jealousy that doesn’t want any belonging of jeno’s ex-girlfriend in his room, though the other had showed no sign of anyone else entering his mind during jaemin’s show.

"you don’t need anyone, do you?"

jeno’s voice surprises him for the last time that night as they’re drifting asleep in each other’s arms. jaemin’s the little spoon again. he can’t imagine ever enjoying being anything else.

"huh?” jaemin tries to turn to get a look at jeno’s expression, but the other boy holds him in place, not allowing it.

"you heard me."

"what are you talking about?” jaemin laughs nervously. “of course i do! i need you."

there’s another pause. he thinks the exchange is going to end awkwardly here, but jeno replies quietly, “no you don’t. you don’t need me as much as i need you."

the words; jeno’s matter-of-fact tone — for reasons unknown, jaemin suddenly feels heartbroken. jeno doesn’t usually get pensive like this, but he’s in fact one of the most intelligent people jaemin knows — quick on the uptake, despite not being shrewd, per se.

"i do need you,” he repeats, softer, and feels jeno’s body relax against his, without even knowing it was strung before. he doesn’t know if his words are believed, but he hopes so.

"you said —“ now he can sense a yawn in the other boy’s voice, more boyish than ever as he’s finally drifting into real sleep, “—it’s sweet when girls call you _oppa_."

jaemin could drown in this beloved voice, thick with sleep and brimming with affection. he can’t imagine living without it and its owner.

now jeno’s really nitpicking — he might have been doing so all night, but jaemin can’t even bring himself to be annoyed. on the contrary, stupidly, he feels flattered, immensely warm inside at the fact that jeno had apparently paid attention to so many of his offhand remarks, taken them to heart — for so long.

all this time. jaemin’s chest tightens with a feeling that has nothing to do with bodily lust.

"yeah,” he responds, turning around in jeno’s now-loosened arms, and nuzzling his face into the dozing boy’s hair. he takes a deep inhale and sighs with bliss. jeno’s lashes flutter, and jaemin adds, dipping down to his ear —

"i like that, but i like being taken care of even more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about the virus situation, sadly i have no good news to report yet as things got quite a bit worse in the past week. the number of h2h cases in the next 2 weeks will probably determine the extent this will impact my country, just like the rest of asia. if you want to, please send good vibes to me and my family, and of course the whole of asia. idk i just have this really strong faith we'll get through this, unscathed :)
> 
> rest of the fic will be posted asap~ honestly writing this chapter really helped me get out of my head for awhile, so im glad i pushed myself to do it.
> 
> i am HONESTLY glad some of the dream shows were cancelled, though i wish the boys wouldn't go to infected countries altogether with the way they're mobbed at airports?? like, airports are literally one of the most risky places to be right now. everybody please stay clean and healthy and stock up on supplies, just in case!


	3. Chapter 3

**five.**

in the day they’re nothing more than platonic friends; fraternity brothers; part of the gang and no closer than any of the other four — at night they share a bed, having the kind of sweaty, athletic sex jaemin’s only ever heard about but never thought he would experience. there’s a kind of freedom about the fact that they’re both male, understanding each other’s needs without any foreplay or preamble required — jeno fucking jaemin into one of their mattresses behind a locked door, no other sounds in the room except the bedsprings creaking.

they’ve done this so many times by now, jaemin has learnt how to be quiet; to bite down on jeno’s shoulder when the pleasure threatens to take over his mind and spill from his lips in incoherent noises. he knows by heart and muscle memory the way jeno fucks, powerfully, straightforwardly, the way he does everything else.

so has jeno learnt exactly what to do to make jaemin unravel, his hand working jaemin’s straining dick even as he pumps into jaemin without pausing, pounding into him with just the amount of brutality he knows jaemin can take, no more and no less.

they tumbled between the sheets so fast today, jeno forgot to take off his rings and wear a condom, and the cool metal makes jaemin gasp and jolt, dissolving into shudders. jeno finishes him off with an expert flick of the wrist, pulling out of jaemin just before he comes over the sheets beside him.

they’re lying spread eagled in bed, bodies tangled up hopelessly and staring at the ceiling, coming down from the high. jeno apologises quietly, but jaemin shakes his head and requests sweetly that jeno come inside him next time.

jeno turns to eyeball him in the dark for an instant, eyes wide, then breaks into a wicked smile.

"next time? how about one more round now?"

jaemin gasps again — because jeno’s so overprotective and unnecessarily worried about the strain on his body, he’s never agreed to penetrate jaemin twice in a row before.

"really?” he whispers, hushed with hope, and jeno cocks an eyebrow at him, eyes glimmering. before jaemin knows what’s happening jeno has rolled over him, caging him between his arms, then raised himself into a kneeling position between jaemin’s knees.

jaemin allows jeno to spread his legs open with gentle hands, mewls in soft protest when jeno hungrily drinks in the sight between them, jaemin’s dick twitching to life again.

jeno crawls further between jaemin’s upper thighs, and jaemin spreads his legs wider, thighs used and trembling, the chill of the lube from the previous round on his skin making him shiver slightly.

his breathing starts to stutter again as jeno bends to nuzzle his groin, then trace his lips over jaemin’s pelvis, starting to suck slow, lazy hickeys into the apex of his thighs.

jaemin watches jeno through the gap below his arm flung over his sweaty forehead, fist clenched. he can barely see jeno’s eyes through his veil of bangs, which tickle jaemin’s dick and make it stiffen again, neglected and throbbing.

he still can’t believe jeno’s going to fuck him a second time in one night, for the first time — it’s ridiculous things like this that feel momentous, a milestone of some sort; as if some kind of trust has been established between them. and it’s this, more than jeno’s careful ministrations, that wreaks havoc on jaemin’s heart.

jaemin’s neither a girl nor a particularly fragile guy, so jeno doesn’t have to handle him with kid gloves; but the way he holds jaemin makes him feel delicate — seeming even more gently than he would treat an actual girl.

jaemin’s already loose from the first round, and slick, but jeno still works him open with painstaking care, until jaemin’s swearing and begging that he’s long past ready.

he slides into jaemin more easily than usual, and jaemin feels so full, stretched open by the other boy’s dick, clenching over it as jeno hisses at the tightness, trying to find leverage.

it’s only after they find a steady rhythm that he plunges into jaemin, bottoming out and finding jaemin’s sweet spot. jaemin inhales through his mouth, breathing as ragged as jeno’s, his friend’s elbows braced on both sides of his head as he conscientiously moves in and out of jaemin, trying to last longer this time, to draw out the sensation.

jaemin looks down and nearly comes at the sight of jeno’s cock disappearing into him, buried to the hilt, then pulling back and thrusting deep between his walls again. his own cock is leaking against jeno’s stomach, smearing precome over it. jaemin reaches down to stroke himself and promptly erupts all over jeno’s abdomen. the way his entire body tightens as he crests his orgasm draws jeno’s out too, and he spills his load inside jaemin as he’d asked for, the copious come trickling out of jaemin’s ass lewdly as jeno finally pulls out with a loud exhale.

even after they’re both spent and completely satiated, jeno stays braced over him for a moment, his biceps rippling from the exertion. he’s gazing down at jaemin with such yearning in his eyes, jaemin has to look away. suddenly, unbidden, he’s reminded of a memory from the past — he’d been new to cooking then, and gotten his hand burnt pretty badly by accidentally touching hot metal.

there’s something about this situation that reminds him of the panic he felt then before the pain registered — playing with fire.

jeno continues trying to catch his gaze for a while longer, before giving up when jaemin studiously avoids it, pretending to be tired and worn out. his whole body feels sore and used, every muscle aching in that delicious way he’s come to crave. jeno flops down beside him, breathing rough but satisfied, pulling the blanket over jaemin and wiggling an arm under jaemin’s shoulderblades, and jaemin curls into the crook of jeno’s arm, feels his eyes fighting to stay open.

the last thing he remembers is his friend’s hand rubbing concentric circles into his upper back, and when he opens his eyes again it’s morning and jeno is the first thing he sees.

it’s no longer even a shock to wake up covered in sticky bodily fluids and a mess of hickeys, all in considerate places jaemin can hide under his clothes. the sheets in the bed they’re lying in look like a hurricane hit them, clothes strewn helter-skelter over the floor.

the sunlight is streaming through the windows, birds chirping outside and jaemin is suffused with such an incredible sensation he’s never felt in his life — like for one moment, everything is where it’s supposed to be. is this bliss?

he can no longer remember how it felt to be straight, or why he was ever heterosexual to begin with. their arguably weird arrangement has started feeling like the most natural thing in the world. of course he’s sleeping with his best friend. what else could make more sense?

surprisingly, as much as the passionate sex, he enjoys laidback mornings like this — waking up next to a warm body, jeno’s sheepish and bashful smile in the morning, his eyes alight with adoration as he beams foolishly at jaemin, like jaemin has done the most amazing thing in the world, just by existing.

waking up next to his best friend is a completely different experience to waking up next to a girl — having to worry about awkwardness, her reaction, being a gentleman. when it’s with jeno, they sometimes loll in bed for hours, unwilling to get up and clean up the sheets and the room, outrageously indulgent. jaemin loves the pillow talk, loves how much he has learnt about jeno from these meandering and aimless conversations alone. the exchanges themselves aren’t particularly scintillating, but the way jeno gazes at jaemin on a morning after sex always makes him feel somehow undressed, _seen_ down to his core. and his tone is always excruciatingly gentle, unlike the friendly but impersonal way he addresses jaemin outside the bedroom.

today, jeno seems exhausted, sleeping in longer than usual — he must have stayed up long after jaemin had passed out the night before, watching jaemin as he slept, stroking his hair. the thought brings a simultaneous smile and warmth to jaemin’s face.

jaemin traces with the lightest finger the strong slope of his friend’s jaw, his sculpted nose, boyishly dark eyelashes splayed over defined cheekbones. jeno wrinkles his nose in his sleep, sniffling from habit, and jaemin stifles a giddy giggle.

they’ve christened almost every corner of both their rooms with memories, mostly of fucking in various crazy positions, but some of completely innocent and ridiculously random moments.

like the last time they had sex on the bathroom counter when the other boys had gone out for a midnight movie, then jeno piggybacked jaemin back to his own room. their friends weren’t back yet so they started playing video games on jeno’s computer, and after a few rounds jeno got horny again (which had nothing to do with jaemin’s teasing, of course) and jaemin sat in his lap and rubbed him off through his clothes as jeno finished the game shakily, losing the round.

after that they got the post-sex munchies and raided the fridge for snacks, bringing them up to jaemin’s room to eat in his bed. jeno deliberately left his own door shut and as they’d hoped, none of their frat-mates bothered to check if they were in their respective rooms when they finally arrived home late from the movie.

jaemin had woken up in the middle of the night and untangled himself from jeno’s arms, then crept through the dark house to jeno’s room. the computer was still on when he touched it, flickering to life, the white glow of the screen illuminating the pitch black room.

jaemin had shut it down and fallen asleep with a smile on his face that was still there the next morning when his sneaky plan worked as intended and jeno burst into his own room with a confused, bereft look that was promptly washed away by relief and softness as he took in jaemin curled up small and cozy in his bed.

now, jaemin wants to wake jeno up but can’t bear to — he’ll let him snooze a little longer, he thinks, closing his own eyes drowsily. jeno stirs a little as if hearing his thoughts, and jaemin smiles, lashes fluttering.

as he waits, he thinks of jeno’s pristine smile, his limber, lithe body, his competitiveness, how charmingly simple he is — not simple-minded but easily pleased and satisfied, with food, with sex, with everything jaemin has to give.

at the same time, he’s surprisingly sensitive, always more attentive than jaemin expects, always placing jaemin’s comfort above his own. He doesn’t care when he creates awkwardness for himself, but the moment jaemin feels awkward in any situation he can count on jeno to sense it and help defuse it effortlessly.

it’s gotten so that whenever he’s not near the other boy now, jaemin feels restless, unsettled, always searching for something that’s missing. he wasn’t like this before — he’s always prided himself on his independence and self-sufficiency — but it’s not an unpleasant feeling either, this… need. this new vulnerability.

sometimes it’s annoying, how unspoiled jeno is — he’s the kind of person who’s grown up never having known anything but love, and so not understanding anything else. but secretly, maybe jaemin is jealous of his friend’s depthless ability to open himself up to others, unselfconsciously and unapologetically. maybe he’d always wondered what it would feel like, to be loved by somebody like that, without self-preservation.

is it that easy to jump from the territory of sex friends to lovers? as effortlessly as crossing the invisible line from friends to one night stand; from one night stand to fuck buddies?

jaemin thinks about it. tries to think of a reason why not, why this is a royally bad idea which will fuck up what’s left of their friendship and the tenuous balance of push and pull between them.

it would be so easy to stay in this comfort zone, indefinitely.

jaemin tries to be objective — to list down all of jeno’s flaws he knows by heart: which he should know well as a best friend, and even more clearly as a bedfellow.

for some reason, his brain is stuck — he can’t think of a single unforgiveable flaw, though.

a buzzing sound makes him jump out of his skin, eyes flying to jeno shifting with a sleepy grunt, lids flickering to register him.

jeno’s phone is vibrating insistently on the bedside table, and jaemin suppresses a flicker of irritation — who would be calling at this hour, to interrupt their idyll rudely?

sulkily, he grabs the phone and hangs up the call without bothering who it is. jeno is rubbing his eyes and jaemin quickly rearranges his expression.

he’s about to place the phone back when he notices the lock screen. the last time jaemin borrowed jeno’s phone, a couple of weeks ago, it’d still been that old photo of jeno with doyoung hyung that’s been his wallpaper forever.

now, though, jaemin’s mouth falls open to see his own face staring back at him — the ugly selfie he’d sent jeno as a joke the week before.

"ah, shit.” he hears his friend’s voice from beside him, hoarse with sleep as he realises what jaemin has seen.

"this…?” jaemin tilts the screen towards him, his face feeling hot. he watches the play of emotions across jeno’s countenance closely.

"it was cute,” the other boy eventually says, in a small voice, cringing a little. his face is pinkish too and jaemin has never seen anything more adorable.

"sorry?” jeno offers, eyes bright with mischief, smiling that smile of his, not looking the least bit apologetic. what kind of face would he make, if jaemin told him what he’d just been thinking? his heart skips a beat.

"jeno-yah,” he starts, snuggling into the other’s bicep and letting the phone slip away between the sheets, “i have something to tell you…"

**plus one.**

_i've liked you since forever_. jeno wonders what kind of face jaemin would make, if he said that. for a long time — maybe since the beginning — jaemin has been more than a fraternity brother; a best friend; even a fuck buddy, to him.

would that difficult expression enter his eyes? or maybe pity?

jeno’s never been the waiting sort, but jaemin is the first thing in his life who’s felt worth patience.

he has jaemin lifted off his feet, legs wrapped around jeno’s hips, being fucked against the wall of his room. jeno’s hands are below his ass, spreading him open and supporting his weight, and jaemin is crying in the softest voice beside his ear, making his thrusts stutter dangerously. jaemin throws his head back against the wall as jeno pulls out to the tip, exposing his porcelain neck and column of his throat, and jeno carefully aligns himself again and sinks back into the familiar tight warmth, jaemin pulsing around him and threatening to make his brain short-circuit.

when they finish, he carefully carries jaemin to the bed and gives him an extravagant blowjob, feeling guilty for not being able to touch his friend while they were having awkward and wild wall sex.

to tell the truth, he’s a little distracted — maybe it’s stupid, but earlier that day, in the morning specifically, jaemin had said something that puzzled him, then didn’t elaborate.

he’d claimed he wanted to tell jeno something, then seemed to lose the nerve, changing the subject and giving him such an overwhelming post-coital cuddle, jeno forgot to press the issue.

it’s been niggling at the back of his mind, but he didn’t want to ask about something possibly unimportant and make jaemin laugh at him. so he’d ended up proposing sex again, when he’d originally intended to give jaemin’s ass a rest after the two rounds he shouldn’t have indulged in last night.

still, jaemin doesn’t seem to be forthcoming, in fact seeming to have forgotten that he even had anything to say to jeno.

truthfully, jeno’s a wreck — constantly on tenterhooks that one day, jaemin will announce out of the blue that he’s tired of their little arrangement, that he’s found somebody else — someone he wants to commit to, somebody he can love.

he may have been too sensitive because of this.

now, jeno feels bad for wearing jaemin out — the younger boy is wiped out in his bed, looking so defenceless the sight would ordinarily have made jeno’s heart quaver. with his eyes closed and lashes splayed across the apples of his cheeks, jaemin looks uncannily like a little boy, like the boy jeno had met when they were years younger, and adored from the first moment.

it was so easy to fall for jaemin — princelike jaemin with his narrow hips and delicate elbows and pastel pink hair; even more so when jaemin is spread open below jeno or on his knees with his mouth filled by jeno’s cock, eyes blown and hair sex-mussed.

until not long ago, jaemin had always been unattainable, off-limits. jaemin is someone who is liked by everybody, who casually collects hearts and wears them on his sleeve. sometimes jeno gets angry at how perfect he is, but he can’t help being uncontrollably and inexplicably drawn to the lanky, reserved boy.

so that first night, when they got heavily intoxicated and jaemin asked jeno to fuck him with a straight face, of course jeno thought he was joking at first.

"don’t mess around,” he’d growled roughly, heart pounding, but jaemin just brandished his middle finger at him, looking equally defiant.

"fuck me, lee jeno, or swear to god, i’ll go ask one of the others.” this was the ultimatum jaemin issued, his chin tipped up. jeno couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

he’d known jaemin for years by then, and jaemin had never shown any single sign of being gay, or even bisexual. jeno would know. he’d been looking.

"i —“ he started, voice breaking, but jaemin was already sloppily stripping, dropping his articles of clothing on his bedroom floor until he was only wearing his boxers. jeno ripped his eyes forcibly from jaemin’s abdomen, trailing down towards his underwear riding low, and forced them back up to jaemin’s face. jaemin was watching him with a knowing expression, a smirk at his lips, making jeno’s stomach flip.

this wasn’t right. it was uneven ground — he was stupid drunk; they both were, or jaemin wouldn’t be doing this, but the fact of the matter was that jeno had feelings for jaemin and jaemin didn’t. he would be taking advantage.

jaemin grew impatient waiting for his decision. “i’m going to look for someone else, then,” he slurred, swaying towards the door. “fuck, i’m so horny —"

his body acting independently of his mind, jeno was pinning jaemin against his room door before jaemin could leave. jaemin’s hooded eyes only betrayed surprise for a moment before his face lit up with triumph and he tugged jeno down with equal roughness, into his hot lips.

jeno pushed jaemin down onto his bed awkwardly as the other scrambled backward, shaking with eagerness. he had to stumble back to his own room, cursing, where he found the bottle of lube he had in his nightstand and then accidentally doused his fingers with too much; it dripped on the bed. jaemin watched him through his eyelashes, following his movements quietly.

"are you sure?” jeno shook the haze of alcohol from his spinning head and tried again, but jaemin just spread his legs wider with his hands, unsmiling, waiting.

jeno fingered him open ever so slowly, jaemin’s whole body reacting to the first slick finger penetrating him. he pushed down a bit, impaling himself on jeno’s finger, and threw his head back on the pillow, throat exposed. jeno withdrew a little, worried, but jaemin clenched down on his finger and gritted out _more_.

so jeno added two more fingers, one by one, until jaemin was squirming with his fists clenched in the sheets, his dick at full mast, definitely turned on in a non-heterosexual way.

jeno felt his own cock, heavy and hot against his thigh, his erection only growing more intense at the opportunity to observe for the first time jaemin’s lean naked body, his girth and his sensual, insanely erotic reactions.

jaemin moaned and gasped when jeno touched his cock, erupting in shivers.

"don’t,” he choked out, the bossy tone still in his voice, “I told you to fuck me."

he was begging for jeno to pollute him, looking like his wettest dream. what other option did he have, but to oblige helplessly?

so he told himself it would be just one time.

just one time to get it out of his system, and then they would both forget anything had ever happened and go on with their lives; and maybe he could stop fucking pining after jaemin like the most pathetic person in the world.

he was wrong.

jaemin’s body and self — it’s like a drug, and jeno swears jaemin _knows_ it.

he lost control again and submitted to his urges the next time they got drunk together, though he knew better.

jaemin was like a drug and jeno was in withdrawal, for his best friend’s sultry bedroom voice, the sounds he made as he got fucked, the way he writhed under jeno like a live wire, electric. the way he would rake his nails down jeno’s back even while drawing him deeper in and not letting him pull out, tugging at jeno’s hair to the point of pain. the shockingly profane curses that fell from those pretty, pretty lips as jaemin begged jeno to fill him up, losing himself in delirium.

if jeno had a crush before, he was now infatuated.

since the day they met, he’d felt the duty to protect jaemin, to give him everything; and as time passed this duty became stronger than ever. jeno has seen jaemin break down, cry, get hurt, with all his defences down. he knows jaemin inside and out.

so when he knew that jaemin just wanted the sex, no strings attached, he was willing to be just that.

or so he thought.

it’s friday night and haechan and renjun are nowhere to be found. jisung whispers in an undertone that they’re probably on their first date, and chenle whacks his head and makes a shushing sign, hissing to him not to tell jeno the “secret”, which he’s honestly not interested to know.

while jaemin is ladling the last of the dishes he’s cooked into serving plates in the kitchen, the three of them wait hungrily at the table. midway into their banter jeno cracks a cold pun and chenle starts teasing jeno good-naturedly about his lame sense of humour again.

jaemin arrives at this instant and whacks chenle on the head.

"apologize to your dad, or no dinner for you,” jaemin intones sternly with his hands on his hips.

chenle and jeno choke on air at the same time.

"he’s not my father!"

"and i guess i’m not your mom either? don’t eat my food then, ungrateful son!” jaemin nearly shrieks.

jeno feels like he’s in the middle of a bizarre dream, but is sharp enough to realise jaemin is probably taking the piss again, with his way better sense of humour than jeno.

apparently not coming to the same realisation as him, chenle apologises, looking cowed and meek.

"sorry, dad.” jeno nearly has an aneurysm.

"nobody else is allowed to make fun of jeno except me from now on, understood?” jaemin nags, and jeno feels blood flooding his face as jisung and chenle shoot him knowing looks while snickering.

"i don’t mind —“ he speaks up weakly, but jaemin cuts in without even looking at him, “butt out when i’m disciplining our son."

chenle shoots jeno the most evil smirk as jeno’s jaw drops at _our son_.

"you are so whipped,” jisung tells jeno when dinner is finished and they’re the only ones left at the table, because chenle is being punished to wash the dishes with jaemin.

"what?” jeno squeaks defensively, and jisung laughs loudly.

"for _mom_.” jisung wiggles his eyebrows at him, which he really did not need to see.

"i don’t know what you’re talking about,” jeno mutters, glaring at him with all the menace he can muster, but jisung just shrugs, unfazed.

"whatever. just — stay safe. use protection, okay?” he smirks again. “i don’t want another sibling."

jeno feels a drop of sweat beading on his temple.

"h-how did you know?” he hisses without thinking, fists clenching under the table in abject embarrassment and panic.

jisung stares at him incredulously. “hello, we live in this house too, you know? and it’s not like you’re even trying to hide it — you look at jaemin hyung like you want to eat him up."

 _like you want to eat him up_. jeno swallows, though the youngest’s tone is now softened and unthreatening.

"it’s no big deal,” jisung says, and jeno forces a smile.

"what isn’t a big deal?” jaemin walks in with chenle, drying their hands.

jisung looks right at him and beams, his special smile reserved for jaemin. jeno should’ve known he would be the first to catch on — jisung is easily the smartest member of their fraternity, together with chenle; they’re both a year ahead in school and that’s how the six of them even met in the first place. maybe that’s why jeno was jealous of his bond with jaemin.

"just… you and dad,” jisung says, and chenle laughs in appreciation and high-fives him. at least jeno gets the satisfaction of seeing how cute jaemin looks with his face suddenly beet red.

so maybe it’s true that he’s unhealthily invested in this thing — and he’s never been good at playing games that aren’t on a computer screen, but jeno can’t stop chasing after jaemin.

it’s been years and years and it still makes his heart do cartwheels — the younger boy’s confidence, his sassiness and wittiness and unique brand of humour; his strength and positivity and the way jaemin’s heart is bigger than he knows what to do with. the capacity he has for giving.

if jeno had to pick a flaw, it would only be how frustratingly dense jaemin is — but of course, that’s his own fault too.

he knew jaemin was only experimenting with him, from the start. but he’d let his heart get greedy.

first friend zoned, and now sex-friend zoned — his life is a goddamn comedy.

still, _still_ , this much he can handle, for jaemin and jaemin only, because he’s jeno’s favourite person in the world.

so he tries not to think about how he wants to fall asleep next to jaemin, wake up beside him, and everything in between. ignores how jaemin never feels _his_ , even when he’s leashed in jeno’s ex-girlfriend’s choker, begging for his cock, bouncing atop him or squirming beneath him. when jeno thinks of anyone else ever laying eyes and hands on jaemin’s exquisite skin, flushed with warmth; his doll-like eyelashes, it feels intolerable.

he doesn’t complain because he knows how lucky he is, how blessed even to have this — sometimes he wonders if jaemin isn’t just indulging him as he does all his friends, especially jeno; being the huge softie he is. jaemin who flirts for sport and never gets flustered and jeno is _so_ out of his depth.

neither of them have classes tomorrow and can sleep in, so jaemin is lying sprawled in jeno’s arms, in his bed, after a round of exhaustive sex. the days and college life have started to dull in comparison to the dates jeno has marked in his mental calendar, when they can have whole nights and mornings together, secluded in the bedroom, taking their time to indulge in each other.

now, jaemin has his palm splayed across jeno’s bare chest as jeno absently runs his fingers through jaemin’s hair, over and over. the roots are growing out, and jaemin has agreed to his request to go back to black for a bit, to give his scalp a break from the bleachings. jaemin kidded that they would have couple hair then, as jeno had gone back to black too some time ago.

it’s these things he says carelessly, offhand, that make jeno’s heart skip a beat. then he has to remind himself that jaemin doesn’t mean them literally, that outside of these four walls they’re still nothing more than platonic friends.

they’re having one of their morning-after, post-coital conversations, all low murmurs and soft comfortable noises. it’s almost too domestic for his heart to take — even with his past girlfriends, he’d never been the cuddly or pillow talk sort; but it’s strange that he’s come to look forward to these intimate snatches of time.

today, jaemin brings up how cute jeno was when he was younger, and just remembering that makes him cringe and reach down to tickle jaemin’s ribs to make him stop.

after jaemin catches his breath from the laughter, kicking jeno's shin in revenge, jeno remarks, “you’re less manly than when you were younger."

he’s surprised along with jaemin by his own observation, but it’s somewhat true — even just a few years ago, jaemin had been a total boy’s boy, brash and mischievous and frank.

it feels like he’s more confident in his masculinity now, in a way jeno envies — jaemin proudly indulges in hobbies other guys might think of as girly, like cooking and fashion; doesn’t put on shows of being ultra-macho like some other guys jeno knows. though sometimes he gets all tough and masculine, quiet and mysterious so jeno can’t tell what he’s thinking and jeno’s poor heart misses a few beats.

now, jaemin looks mock-offended, flicking his forehead lightly. “what are you talking about? i’ve always been totally manly."

jeno can’t help it — he grins, and continues boldly, toeing the line. “you became softer for me. i love that."

jaemin stares at him, amusement and annoyance battling in his bright eyes. jeno thinks he’s going to deny it to the end, but jaemin floors him by responding after a moment, “well, you became more manly.” then he proceeds to blush and hide his face in the crook of jeno’s arm.

jeno’s jaw is slack, his stomach fluttering. jaemin thinks he got manlier? he is way too pleased about this than is cool.

"was that for me, too?” jaemin asks cheekily, peeking out from his chest, and jeno hesitates before nodding, throat dry. he kisses jaemin’s forehead and jaemin shivers in his embrace.

"of course."

the silence lengthens, and unbidden, the urge to probe again about what jaemin wanted to tell him some time ago rises in jeno. jaemin hasn’t brought up the subject again, but sometimes jeno catches jaemin looking at him in a weird, pensive way, a way he’s never done. like he wants to confess something, but can’t find the words or the courage to.

there’s that difficult expression clouding his eyes again that jeno fears seeing.

he knows — it may not be what he’s thinking; that he shouldn’t jump to conclusions and worst-case scenarios, but of course he’ll never be able to help worrying about losing jaemin.

and jeno wants jaemin to be able to open up to him about anything. at least, if nothing else, he wants to be a friend like that.

he rolls the question around on his tongue for a bit. but when he opens his mouth, what comes out instead is: “can it really be anyone for you?"

"what?” jaemin blinks at him, uncomprehending.

jeno flushes, already regretting. “the first time we… you said if i didn’t do it — you’d find somebody else.” then a thought makes him cold. “you do remember?” it would be devastating to find out that jaemin was much drunker than he appeared that day, drunker than jeno.

thankfully, jaemin says with a small, embarrassed smile, “i remember."

"oh,” jeno replies in relief, his question still hanging in the air between them.

he’s about to tell jaemin to forget it, that he doesn’t have to reply, when the younger boy surprises him by meeting his eyes with honesty.

"i was just saying that to goad you. i didn’t know how else — i’m sorry.” jaemin lowers his eyes looking ashamed, bites his lower lip. a flush spreads over his cheekbones, deliciously. jeno swallows over the lump in his throat.

"it has to be you,” jaemin says, in an even softer voice, and jeno almost makes a shocked noise. he can’t have heard that right.

"what?” he croaks, but jaemin shakes his head as though clearing it, obviously not intending to repeat.

 _it has to be you_. jeno’d heard that clearly, though.

jaemin falls asleep first, his head pillowed on jeno’s upper arm which is starting to get pins and needles. still, he wouldn’t wake the other boy up for all the world. watching him quietly, jeno can’t help smiling, can’t help wanting to map the line of jaemin’s profile and his smooth skin with his finger, to feel his relaxed breaths and the muted warmth emanating from his body.

he’d been drawn inexorably to jaemin from the beginning. at first he’d thought it was because of the intrigue: how mysterious and impenetrable jaemin is, how jeno’s never able to read what he’s thinking, unless jaemin chooses to share it with him.

he’s starting to realise this isn’t the case. that jeno could burrow under jaemin’s skin, into his very bones, and it still wouldn’t feel close enough for him.

 _it has to be you_ , jeno replays jaemin’s deep, sandpaper voice in his head again, for the umpteenth time. his chest is a cage of butterflies when he thinks of how this changes everything.

later this evening, jeno decides, he’ll buy jaemin his first gift since they started fucking. jeno has always been the least romantic member of their fraternity — he’s this coarse, brutish oaf; but jaemin makes him want to go to the florist and ask for a bouquet of cosmos that matches his hair or some shit.

just thinking about it makes him feel giddy as a teenager with a crush. jaemin loves presents, and surprises. he should’ve done this way earlier.

most everything is still up in the air — their futures, jeno’s love (because yes, he’s realised he probably doesn’t just _like_ jaemin but loves him), the whole new world of adulthood they’re stepping into, hopefully together — but for some reason, as he finally pulls his numb arm out from under jaemin’s head and his best friend stirs awake, eyes filled with adoration and apology; jeno feels confident for the first time since jaemin gave his body to him.

somehow, some way, he knows they’ll make it work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew! it's finished! tbh i really had to sit myself down and force myself to write the last chapter, because the situation in my country is going to hell in a handbasket and i just didn't feel like doing anything until it was over... but who knows when that would be. please continue keeping us here in asia in your thoughts, because community spread has started here and i just really need a vaccine and cure for this f*cking virus to be invented now ;;
> 
> i want every single reader of this fic to know how grateful i am for your presence - i know i'll never forget that this was the fic i wrote during an epidemic, and these were the people who were by my side in spirit, at this tenuous point of time. it just... feels special to me and i wanted to show my appreciation for all the readers who have read till this point, for being along for the ride.
> 
> i hope the ending didn't disappoint, and that you got some reading pleasure and enjoyment during the time you put in! i'm sure this fic took you as much time and patience to read, as it did me to write so i hope it was equally rewarding for you :)


	4. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this epilogue is for all the readers of this fic, especially seasonie13 and starwreck :) when my nomin soul sis seasonie13 mentioned an idea that i'd already had in drafts for this epilogue (about nomin adopting samoyed), i knew i had to write this! the vday nct daily did NOT help matters.
> 
> i never expected this fic to get beyond 10k, so it was surprising how attached i grew to this verse, and how many happy memories i made interacting with readers on this fic! i want to thank YOU for devoting the time to finishing this, if you read till the end, and being such a supportive and enthusiastic reader from the start despite it getting longer than planned.
> 
> ps. was part of the reason i added this epilogue just to write more of side pairing renhyuck? of course not. ;)

on the day of their first date, jeno emerges from his room wearing a pink boyfriend-style sweatshirt layered over a long-sleeved polo tee. jaemin feels personally attacked by how cozy and _good_ he looks in the simple outfit.

"what?” jeno smiles anxiously at his saucer eyes and stunned silence. “do i look weird?"

"no, you look —“ _drop dead gorgeous_ , jaemin stops himself from saying. “why’d you wear pink? i thought we were going to blend in."

"oh.” jeno scratches his head sheepishly. “you like pink, don’t you?"

yes, jaemin loves pink, especially after the bouquet of cosmos jeno bought him last week. the infamous bouquet of flowers that had caused jaemin to do the most mortifying thing in his life — confessing his feelings.

when jaemin walked into his room after jeno’d been absent to dinner that evening, and saw the pink flowers on his study desk, he’d nearly lost his marbles. immediately, he dashed to jeno’s room (after checking to see if there was a card; there was none).

the latter was sprawled on his bed but he sat straight up when jaemin burst into his room, breathless. jaemin's eyes felt huge in his warm face and he was suddenly acutely aware of his whole body; jeno’s eyes on it.

"you… flowers…?” was all he could stammer, incoherently.

the way blood flooded his friend’s face too, in an instant, confirmed his suspicion.

"you like them?” jeno could barely make eye contact with him.

"i love them!” jaemin exclaimed, probably way too enthusiastically because jeno’s lips twitched and his eyes widened in surprise. a door nearby opened and they heard footsteps venturing to investigate the commotion. jaemin quickly shut jeno’s door.

jeno cracked his knuckles nervously as jaemin approached him on the bed, the textbook that’d been previously in his hands slipping to the side. jaemin’s heart was, all of a sudden, pounding deafeningly in his chest as he dimly recognised that he was about to do something really stupid and impulsive.

"i like you."

the words came out anyway, unstoppably, naturally as breathing. they’d been dancing on the tip of his tongue for so long now, saying them felt effortless, an immense relief.

jeno blinked at him, seeming to have stopped breathing. “w-what?” his voice was hoarse.

"i like you,” jaemin repeated dumbly, standing in front of him, his heart in his throat; feeling for all the world like a schoolgirl confessing her crush to a senior.

the longest pindrop silence in the world. then — “are you crying?"

jeno dashed a rough hand across his eyes. he looked as mortified as jaemin, voice cracking. “no, it’s just —“ he caught his breath.

"just what?” jaemin’s whole heart was in his hands. jeno looked like a little boy, tearing up. jaemin wanted to hug the air out of him.

jeno gasped a little, then finished breathlessly, “i’ve liked — _loved_ you since forever.” there was so much disbelief and relief in his voice, jaemin believed him instantly. he was reeling inside because _love? what?_

he was so unmoored he could barely ask, “a-and you didn’t tell me earlier?"

"i — i couldn’t,” jeno faltered, and that was when jaemin swept forward and engulfed him in the hug he was waiting to give. jeno dissolved into his arms and jaemin felt everything in his world, finally, sliding into place.

so, yes, to say that pink is his favourite colour, is now an understatement.

"ahh, i wanna wear a pink shirt too!” jaemin turns on his heel and starts to rush back into his room, but jeno’s steady hand on his elbow stops him.

"please don’t,” he says in his quiet voice, eyes entreating and laughing at the same time, “we’re going to look so obnoxious."

jaemin melts.

when his brand new boyfriend had asked him out on their first date, immediately after jaemin confessed his like; of course neither of them had wanted to wait. so they’re both playing hooky today just so they can have free time in the day together, but jaemin regrets nothing.

"shall we leave, then?” jeno rolls up his sleeve to check his apple watch.

they wander out of their neighbourhood, and jaemin regrets not having planned an itinerary. he’d thought maybe jeno would have another surprise planned for him, but his boyfriend looks equally clueless.

it doesn’t really matter though, truthfully, because jaemin is just basking in the feeling of being out in the sun beside jeno, their hands occasionally brushing flirtatiously as they walk. they’ve been stuck in their bedrooms for so long, unable to bring their intimacy out into the open, that it’s unbelievably refreshing.

jeno holds his hand for a bit — just grabs it as they walk through a particularly deserted area of the neighbourhood park. jaemin glances over and sees him licking his lips nervously, though his palm isn’t clammy or anything. he’s hopelessly endeared — that they’ve been having wild sex forever by now and jeno apparently still seems shy to hold his hand. jaemin intertwines their fingers, and watches jeno bite his lip and smile at the ground.

he knows that jeno doesn’t like a whole lot of people (though those he does, he _really_ likes), so all these years, it’d always felt like such an honour knowing that he not only liked jaemin, but liked him a lot.

but nothing could’ve prepared him for how it feels to be loved by the older boy.

when jaemin thinks of how long jeno’d nursed an unrequited crush on him, silently, his heart still feels a sharp pang. he’d been so damn thick-headed and oblivious, a fool. he’s lucky jeno had the patience of a saint and not given up.

jaemin vows to himself to make it all up to him, somehow or other.

he can’t tell what jeno is thinking in the comfortable silence, but he looks peaceful and at ease, so their first date seems to be going swimmingly so far.

"are you tired? let’s sit down.” the other boy gestures to a park bench they’re passing. jaemin smiles and says okay.

there’s a playground nearby and they watch the kids there playing for awhile. jaemin wonders if jeno wants kids, in future when they’re older adults.

of course he does — he loves them. he would be a great dad. jaemin knows he’s getting way ahead of himself, but his heart throbs as he thinks about all the tangles they’ll probably have to go through — not just not being able to have kids but also coming out to their parents and friends.

yeah, he’s definitely getting ahead of himself — he doesn’t even know yet how long they’ll stay together, for fuck’s sake. sure, he can’t imagine ever not being madly in love with the elder now, but things change all the time. jaemin reminds himself to just appreciate the present, and cross bridges when they come.

"hey, isn’t that —“ jeno pipes up, just as jaemin sees two people who uncannily resemble renjun and haechan, just beyond the playground, in their own world.

"are they… _necking_?” jaemin’s voice rises an octave, and jeno elbows him.

"yah, huang ren—“ jaemin starts, raising his voice, but jeno hurriedly grabs him around the neck and covers his mouth.

it’s humiliating, but jaemin is suddenly hot all over from jeno’s callused palm on his lips. he clears his throat and crosses his legs, tries not to show it.

"leave them alone,” jeno hisses to him, letting go to his disappointment, though he’s laughing.

"wait, you knew about this?” jaemin stares at his boyfriend, jaw dropping. “how? why didn’t you tell me?” he feels absurdly betrayed. how did he have no clue two of his closest friends and housemates were dating this whole time?

"jisung and chenle said something about it,” jeno explains, carelessly. “you can’t not have noticed those two have been thick as thieves this year?"

"well, i —“ jaemin sputters. “i’ve been too preoccupied with —“ _you_ , he swallows the word, under jeno’s piercing eyes, abruptly blushing.

instead, he coughs and changes the subject quickly. “those brats, how dare they leave their mom out of the gossip — i swear they’re getting disowned this time…"

"oh really? should we adopt another kid to piss them off, then?” jeno enquires smoothly, and jaemin nearly chokes. he’s never referred to the younger boys as their children before, though jaemin has done so countless times. jeno is leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring at him, playful smirk at his lips as if he read what crossed jaemin’s mind earlier.

but jeno just blinks at him innocently and continues, “what about a fur baby?” he points at a pet pomenarian sauntering past them, dragging its owner behind it.

jaemin gasps. “don’t you already have bongshik and the gang?"

jeno rubs the nape of his neck. “i was thinking a samoyed that looks like me…” he replies shamelessly, “didn’t you always want one?"

"i did, but…” jaemin glances towards haechan and renjun’s direction to hide his embarrassment. their friends have disappeared, to his disappointment. he can only hope they didn’t notice him and jeno too, as despite not having their tongues down each other’s throats or otherwise even touching, jaemin can’t help suspecting they’re emitting a rose-coloured aura.

"no sex for you today, since you kept secrets from me with the kids.” jaemin folds his arms and mutters in a low tone after glancing around them — the place is pretty near their campus, which was why they even saw renjun and haechan in the first place. upon thinking about it, he realises he doesn’t really care about being seen though.

he’s being facetious, pulling the other boy’s leg as usual, but jeno’s eyes widen in dismay and he makes his patented noise of shock.

"ehhh? why’d you ask me to buy condoms yesterday, then?"

jaemin can’t help bursting into laughter, shushing him halfheartedly.

"i’m just kidding, you total dolt. let’s do it twice today.” he smirks at the way jeno’s jaw slackens.

"t-twice?"

"or maybe i’ll fuck you, for a change."

"ahh…” the older boy almost whimpers, face flaming, and after an awkward moment jaemin breaks the silence.

"wait, you _want_ to be fucked?"

jeno flushes even more vermillion, if that’s possible. “i mean... maybe just to try? if it’s you, i don’t mind…"

jaemin’s heart nearly gives out at how cute his boyfriend is. jeno looks so fuckable right now, jaemin will definitely have no problem fucking him once. or twice.

the sun is high in the sky by now so they get up and head for lunch. jeno directs them to an expensive restaurant and tells jaemin to order anything he likes, his treat. in the booth they’re sitting in, he obnoxiously squeezes in beside jaemin instead of sitting at the opposite bench like a normal person.

watching jeno slouching beside him, sipping his drink and looking as happy as a clam, jaemin feels his entire heart falling.

"this is _so much_ fun. remind me again why we didn’t become lovers earlier,” he whispers into his boyfriend’s ear, which promptly pinkens.

"well, that…” jeno twiddles his fingers as jaemin watches him, smiling from ear to ear. “it was my fault."

"not mine?” jaemin’s beam widens.

jeno looks up at him, grin slowly taking over his own face. “nope."

" _such_ a gentleman,” jaemin teases him, and jeno squirms in his seat with pleasure and bashfulness.

after the meal, they walk around the shopping district and jeno repeatedly asks jaemin if there’s anything he wants to buy, recently.

not wanting to drain his boyfriend’s wallet on the first date although jeno acting like some kind of sugar daddy is hot as fuck, jaemin eventually answers that he just wants ice cream.

"sure!” his boyfriend beams like an obedient puppy, almost wagging his tail, before bolting away to the nearest ice cream parlour.

he comes back in record time holding two cones of overpriced designer ice cream. jaemin’s is coffee-flavoured and delicious. he devours it — trying to eat while smiling like a lunatic at the same time is not as easy as it seems.

"nana, you have ice cream on your lips,” jeno says innocently when they’re done, fumbling in his pocket for tissues — he really did his prep work for this date.

jaemin places a hand on his, stilling him. jeno looks up.

"lick it away for me." jaemin winks at him.

he hears the faint hitch of breath in jeno’s throat, the tremble of his hand under jaemin’s. then jeno is grabbing his arm and tugging him into the nearest alley, pushing him up against the concrete wall.

he cups jaemin’s face gently with both hands, and stares at him reverently for a few seconds. jaemin can’t sustain eye contact, the elder’s eyes are too heated. then jeno is leaning in and delicately licking the drop of ice cream off his lips like a kitten, making jaemin’s whole body react.

he can’t help it — he curls his fingers in jeno’s shirt to hold him there, and slips him tongue. not to be outdone, his boyfriend sinks his teeth into jaemin’s bottom lip and begins sucking on his tongue with a sigh.

it’s getting too hot and heavy, too fast, and jaemin is totally down for public sex but he has a feeling they might get arrested, or something.

they’re acting like totally shameless lovestruck fools in public, probably totally obvious to everybody they pass — but jaemin doesn’t even care; he’s so happy because of jeno. his jeno.

after the wonderfully wholesome date, they go home and jeno fucks him light-headed. they’re both tired out from the day so jaemin decides to be patient and wait for the next day to bring up fucking him for the first time. after all, they have nothing but time now.

he wakes up at 5am, locked in another signature smothering hug from his personal cuddlebeast.

before falling back asleep, jaemin indulges in his latest new hobby — replaying back all their moments together, like leafing through a photograph album on his phone, enjoying it like he’s watching a drama or movie as he savours and commits all of jeno’s sweet nothings and tiniest gestures to heart.

even he’s noticed that jeno is slightly different now, after they became exclusive — he no longer fucks like he has something to prove or feels inadequate; instead casually and unobtrusively staking his claim and possession on jaemin with minute actions. this new confidence is incredibly attractive.

like the way he’d responded when jaemin demanded last night, in the post-sex dark: “why do you love me?"

he was being petulant, demanding, asking something he already knows; but jeno responded with disarming honesty and less shyness than he expected.

"you make me so happy,” he said, voice gentle, smiling down at jaemin. “do you know that?" jeno's heart was in his eyes and jaemin could barely breathe.

"i love how your smile is so… radiant and how shiny your eyes always are. i love how you’re sometimes aloof and sometimes ridiculously hyper. when no one else is.” he punctuated the end of his proclamation with his award-winning eye smirk and only a slight reddening of cheeks, effectively rendering jaemin slain.

they tumbled into love in a completely opposite, topsy-turvy way — fucking first and romancing after; but jaemin can’t imagine anything more perfect.

he’s never felt more content in his life, than he does, twenty and in love with his best friend.

and remembering jeno’s last words as they’d fallen asleep — his drowsy request to jaemin to promise that they’d be _together, forever_ — jaemin finally understands that come what may, jeno will be _here_. by his side.


End file.
